i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
