we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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