So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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