i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
