not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
