I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
