Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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