woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
