My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
