I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
