so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
