Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
