after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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