I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize