Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
