what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
is wine microwaveable?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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