I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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