Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
