Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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