As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
