This is not my ceiling
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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