Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
