I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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