You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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