youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Randomize
