ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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