Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
