I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
