So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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