Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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