I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it penis luge time yet?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
