Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
