I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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