My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
