i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize