I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
