So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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