Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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