is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
