I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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