The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
