my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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