UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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