i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
