we have pet lesbian snakes
I want to have your abortion
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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