i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
