areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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