Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
