I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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