if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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