And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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