I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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