just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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