True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
