the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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