walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
