So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
