remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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