wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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