1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.