mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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